I worked for several years in the computer technical support department of a large company. During that time, I collected short statements from the incident logs ("worklogs") which were quite humorous. These are personally collected by me, and are not just written as a joke - except the added comments, of course ...
Spelling is not corrected, as that is sometimes part of the humor!

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... since the customer can not visualize anything on the screen, almost like an OS issue.
So the customer needs the Braille version of Windows?

Found the script and did everything ... Nothing works.
Nothing works? Not even standing on your head and whistling Dixie?

... the Outlook issue is at steak.
No, no, no - the steak is at the Sizzler!
- or -
How terrible! The customer's difficulties with Outlook are at risk of getting fixed!

The customer has problems.
... and the tech has issues.

The customer claims that some people with an external account used to get encryption from him. I contradicted him.
The customer is always wrong!

... turning into a how to scenario, and what could be better.
I don't know - what could be better ... except maybe fixing the problem?

Remote conected to the customesr machine, the process is not taken. Tried it twice, unchecked.
... or maybe you just checked out?

The customer has a file that is password-protected. Could not break the password. Looked to see if it would work.
Yeah - those new retinal scanners are tough ...

Looked in the script and tried to solve this error, but did not work.
Keep up that not working, and pretty soon you won't have a job!

... after 20 minutes on call, I became hopeless.
No comment necessary :-)